my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
she is the kim kardashian of front butts
it glows. i had to have it.
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
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