Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
Randomize
