I think my vagina is haunted
Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
So I realize somewhere between mildly irritated and outright belligerently pissed is where you are, but as to location, where are you?
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
Randomize
