The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
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Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
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