you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
I touched a dick in church today
Interesting, I was always told to run away from crazy, but you seem to think we should run towards them dick first.
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
Randomize
