quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
Randomize
