I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
can a guy be partially circumsized? cause i dont exactly know what i was lookng at...
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
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