So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
would you ever date a girl who drove an 89 Chrysler LeBaron? - for the record it's a convertable
i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
I didn't think it was possible but there may actually be TOO MANY pictures of me tagged shotgunning.
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She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
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