I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
his name is devion and he has a voice like velvet and handcuffs
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
Randomize
