Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
Randomize
