She just used a chaser for red wine.
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
Randomize
