then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
Randomize
