y did u give ur computer a hand job?
i cant finish this easy-mac because i need it for a chaser.
just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
I have grass duct taped all over my body
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
Randomize
