im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
it makes it look bigger when i shave, i hope its not the same for a girl
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
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