she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
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