why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
She walked into class late sat down for 5 min muttered 'oh i cant do this' and walked out. She looked like death.
We should party with her soon
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
Just started taking liver support pills. Welcome to Senior year.
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
Rumble strips road head = magical
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
Randomize
