I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
Refresh my memory....were we forced to leave or did we choose to leave?
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
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