you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
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I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
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Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
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