So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
what am i going to do when LOST is over? What am i going to get high to?
I HATE DRINKING WITH JUST GIRLS, ITS 1030 THEYRE ALL HAMMERED AND TALKING ABOUT HOW AWESOME THEIR SHOES ARE!!!!!!!
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
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