I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
We shall study the pictures later and see if his penis is worth my time.
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
Randomize
