Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
Randomize
