By the way the awkward moment from yesterday is now a bad situation I have to figure out.
Thank you Grey Goose.
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
Ok thats it i need a list. Full names, nicknames, in which frats, with a photo, of all the guys youve hooked up with because three of the same guys is ridiculous
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
So vagazzling was a success
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
Randomize
