You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
Randomize
