and my herpes radar will keep us safe
been sitting in chapter for 25 minutes. drinking last night's franzia out of a XXX vitamin water 10 bottle. recruitment chair has no idea. life is good.
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
Randomize
