The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
This is the first time since last march I'm gonna be going to a class for more reasons than wanting to bone the girl sitting next to me.
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
OPIZZABONMYDICK
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
Randomize
