you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
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