I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
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