When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
Blow job season was short but glorious.
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
Randomize
