She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
it's like heaven, but drunker
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
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