and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
Yo plow her in the living room were all outside tommy wants to see
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
Randomize
