I no longer want to be the gay that plays in the revolving door at RelationshipDale's like a seven year old with a.d.d.
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
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