The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
Randomize
