a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
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