Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
Randomize
