oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
Randomize