i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
If the first sentence isn't something about weed or the nature of choclate I'm skipping class.
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
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