I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
so then she threw up in his asshole
yep..that'll do it.
DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
you were making out with a girl because you told her you were part of Nsync
Randomize
