I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
Randomize
