So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
Pretty sure she's used to bigger guys. She kept slipping off while on top. like, constantly
"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
Randomize
