A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
40s are totally the cure
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize
