The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
Can I ask u a weird question?
Sure
do u have the hershy squirts too?
just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
Has anyone heard from Jamie or has she actually just been having sex for 48 hours?
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
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