So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
Randomize
