It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
so the time management class we had to take for work seems to be working. I just beat off instead of waiting for gf to get home bc it fit my schedule better.
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
My dad just said "fuck circus"
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
Randomize
