Cool, I just put that together. I didn't know if using a tie-died sub machinegun was too crazy
Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
there was a trapeze. enough said
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
Randomize
