An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
Although I commend your efforts to keep my penis away from her, your sister is now booty walking up my stairs. Good game though, good game.
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
Randomize
