Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
they night at the roxbarryed us. came out of nowhere,bought us shots, and then the big one licked my hand? we got out of that noise.
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
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