Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
WHY DIDN'T ANYON E TELL ME SHE WAS SIXTEEN
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
I just wanted to hook up with a white guy to prove that i could go back.
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
Randomize
