There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
Well if were past the bullshitting stage yes if not then no I'm not that kind of guy
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
Randomize
