i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
i read his ps3 instant messaging thing... he's meeting a guy to have sex. i think your boyfriend's gay
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
Randomize
