The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
ahhh, you guys look like a cute little family in the cop car!
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
Randomize
