I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
he just said he was sorry he wasnt been able to come by more often coz things are really crazy with that girl
you mean his girlfriend
Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
he was CRYING into my vagina
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
Randomize