and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
Randomize
