smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
Randomize
