So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
Hurricane Sex Time is the only thing iv said since it started.
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
Randomize
