Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
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you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
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Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
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