There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
Are these your boobs on my camera?
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
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