I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
At least life still wants to fuck me.
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
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