sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
i looked up and she was looking over the stall watching me pee and told me to unlock the door. that dedicated to sucking my dick.
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
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