I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
Randomize
