The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
this is the fourth time i've taken my clothes off for money this year. is that normal for the average college sophomore?
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
Randomize
