Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
Forget Covid themed costumes. I need one that attracts a quality penis
preferably one with a six figure job and a boat
Randomize
