Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
Randomize
