youre talking to a girl on facebook chat right now and im sitting behind her in class lol. creepy?
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
Randomize
