I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
i'm watching the tyra show: "women who beat up their boyfriends" - lets see how she can make THIS one all about herself too.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
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